3 Signs Projection Is A Threat To Your Relationship

The Surprising Reason You Become Deeply Upset With Your Partner

[tweetthis]When you think everything is someone else’s fault, you will suffer a lot – Dalai Lama[/tweetthis]

If you’re hurting in your relationship, and you’re convinced your partner is to blame, this could be the most important message you ever read.

First, we have some questions for you:

Do you have a hard time moving on after you’ve had a fight with your mate?

Are you able to kiss and make up, or do you feel the need to keep your distance for a while?

If your partner tries to get close again, do you remain a bit detached and even withdraw your affection?

Is there a part of you that thinks you shouldn’t give in so easily after you’ve been upset – maybe even that you should make your partner work hard to get your full attention again?

If you answered yes to any or all of these, then you feel you just can’t let go of the hurt. You can’t get over what your partner has said or done, or what they didn’t do. You’re not feeling loved, and it hurts. And you’re certainly not ready to forgive.

We want you to consider something quite radical – something you might at first want to completely write off.

And that’s exactly why you should keep reading.

The Surprising Reason You’re Upset

We have news for you: your partner likely has nothing to do with how hurt you feel.

When you’re this hurt and convinced your partner is the cause of your pain, you’re almost certainly projecting. And when you project, you wholeheartedly believe your problem is one thing, but it actually comes from something else.

Projection happens when we blame our partners for old hurts. We don’t do it consciously. Conflict triggers unresolved issues from our past – including childhood wounds and disappointments from previous relationships.

It FEELS as if the other person is the cause of our upset, because, after all, he or she is right there with us and so they must be the problem. What else could it be?!

But projection keeps us from understanding the true source of our pain. When you’re convinced your partner is to blame, you’re unable to see how your past has contributed to what you feel in the present moment. You cast a blind eye to the fundamental issues that are triggering you now.

Moreover, projection prevents us from resolving those underlying issues, thus recycling the same negative patterns again and again. And unless you recognize and address the projection, you will keep repeating the same patterns in this relationship or from partner to partner – preventing you from truly moving on from fights and authentically connecting with those you love.

In this message, we’ll show you how to break that cycle so that you can finally resolve long-standing relationship problems.

3 Ways To Know You’re Projecting

First, let’s look at how projection shows up and how it feels in your body:

Righteousness: When you’re projecting, you’re 100% convinced you’re 100% right about the situation at hand – and you’re certain your partner is at fault. You’ll feel angry, your brow will furrow, and you might even assume an intimidating posture over your mate.

Feeling Wronged: If a minor argument with your partner leaves you feeling deeply hurt, and you experience a feeling of sadness in your chest, then you’re likely projecting something from your past onto them. Maybe it was a parent who let you down, or it could be a situation from your school days when you felt as if another kid got away with something he did to you.

Feels like life or death: Have you ever felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety or panic during an argument with your spouse? The need to resolve something right here, right now is a signal that you’re likely bringing a past traumatic event into the present moment.

(***Note: Projection is not an excuse for abuse in a relationship. If you find yourself in a situation that compromises your well-being, we urge you to seek appropriate professional help.)

Why Projection Keeps You Stuck And Depletes Love

Interactions between partners are rarely one sided.

Blaming your partner keeps you from discovering your part in the dynamic, and it results in what we call an “entanglement.”

In our eBook Hearts in Harmony, you’ll learn all about entanglements – the painful relationships that aren’t really relationships at all.

Entanglements may look like relationships on the surface: you spend a lot of time together, maybe you even live together. You’re a “couple.” But entanglements lack a central component of real relationships: harmony. And projection is a key characteristic of entanglements.

In fact, we can say with certainty that projection is the central energy drain in entangled relationships.

When two people are unconsciously playing out old wounds with each other, they create a situation fraught with blame and discord – the opposite of a harmonious relationship.

When you sign up to receive our FREE Newsletters, you’ll learn:

  • The common ways partners unwittingly project past hurts onto each other – and end up fighting about the wrong thing.
  • How to turn an entanglement into a harmonious relationship – one that is free of blame and criticism.
  • The two fears most people bring into a relationship (if you’ve ever had a partner pull away from you after things were going well, you’ll want to pay close attention)
  • How successful couples create deep intimacy AND maintain their sense of individuality.

Projection is a prison. When we free ourselves from it, we are able to let go of pain and open our hearts to limitless love.


Katie & Gay


P.S. Because we know that your body is a shortcut to emotional healing, we’ve included dozens of whole-body exercises in Hearts in Harmony that will help you release old wounds at a core level.

If you’ve tried therapy and self-help, and you still haven’t achieved the change you want in your life and your relationships, our whole-body approach could be the missing piece of the puzzle for you:

[Katie and Gay Hendricks]



Find Your Soulmate, Not Just A Date

Why waste time finding a date when you could find your soulmate?

Are you fed up with go-nowhere relationships with losers, commitment phobes and other “no-potential” men? Then you need to stop spending your time focusing on tactical things that get you short term results: How to flirt. When to call him back. When to have sex.

These superficial strategies might get you a date, but they won’t attract your soulmate. Even worse… they PREVENT you from addressing the real cause of your love challenges. And you’ll waste a whole lot of time in the process.

What REALLY Prevents You From Attracting Genuine Love

The true blockers of love aren’t being “too old.” Or “too smart.” Or “too out of shape.” They are the harmful beliefs and fears that run under the surface of everything you say and do.

They show up in the men you date (unavailable, deadbeats, cheaters…) and in the way you feel with them (unfulfilled, unsupported, lonely, incomplete…) and how you feel about yourself (not pretty enough, not smart enough, anxious …). And the only way we can undo their damage is by addressing them at their core.

Make These Small Inner Shifts And Get Life-Changing Results

Here’s the truth about attracting genuine love: it’s all about small inner shifts that transform what’s blocking you, and empower you to know what you truly need to be happy. And when you make them, you can make every single dating mistake in the book and it won’t matter.

These shifts go deep, but they don’t have to be hard. You just need a guide to help you identify what these shifts are, how to make them, and how to keep them.

Subscribe to our FREE love advice newsletter, and we’ll teach you how to break all the unconscious patterns and destructive habits that are holding them back from genuine love.

We’ve been coaching singles for decades and have seen person after person – no matter how desperate they felt or “unlucky in love” they’d been – find who their hearts have yearned for once they’d identified and replaced these hidden destructive forces with healthy, loving ones. Now it’s your turn.


Katie & Gay Hendricks


Before You Sleep With Him, Read This

Will He Stick Around After You Get Intimate? Not If You Make These Common Mistakes

I’m going to pack this email with a lot of important insights and tips that are going to completely change the way you relate to men when it comes to sex, so make sure you read all the way to the end…

Ok, here we go…

What is a man thinking when it seems like he’s “into you” at first, but soon after you get intimate with him, he “cools off” and starts acting distant?

How can you tell if it’s too early to sleep with a man? And what can you do if you’ve ALREADY been physical… and now he has stopped calling for no apparent reason whatsoever?

I received an email from a reader who went through this exact situation. I think you’ll feel her pain and see why I wanted to respond to her:

Question: Hi Christian,

I’ve just bought your eBook and read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex… but I’ve already made that mistake and slept with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you wrote, he became impatient when we talked, and it made me so frustrated and upset. Now he’s acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth? I feel so disappointed about my actions. Christian, please help me.


Answer: I want to give Justine a big hug… but then a hard dose of REALITY.

Here’s something you never ever want to forget. It’s the real truth about how most men think when it comes to getting physical and dating in casual and uncommitted relationships… Ready?

Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he’s spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.

In other words… a man’s not going to ever “see your worth” just because you’ve slept with him. And more to the point, it is NOT the physical attraction a man feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that makes a man really “feel it” for you and want more.

Truth: For A Man, Physical Intimacy Does Not Equal Relationship

You need to think that sleeping together and having a relationship are two completely different things that have nothing to do with one another. What makes a man “see your worth” and end up feeling so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other than PHYSICAL desire and ATTRACTION.

Here’s the thing… I don’t know if you see this, but you’ve moved on to wanting “something serious” right after you and he slept together, thinking that sex of course means there should be a relationship and he should feel the same way about you. Not true.

As I’ve said before, and it bears repeating, the decision to sleep with a woman often has NOTHING to do with whether a man has decided that he wants to “date” you more seriously.

Being Clear About What It Means… Before it Happens

Let me ask you… Were you upfront and honest about what you were looking for before you slept with him? Did you say to him, “If we sleep together, I’m going to want a relationship.” Or… “I only sleep with a man if he already values me and sees me for the amazing woman that I am.”

My guess is that you probably did what lots of women do in the “casual dating” situation when it comes to becoming intimate with a man: You weren’t clear on whether you were in it for the fun and connection of it all with him or for something more “serious.” You thought the act of sex alone would speak for itself.

Common Mistakes Women Make When It Comes To Sex

Here are a few of the mistakes women make that get them into tough situations like yours:

Not saying anything about what it means for you to share yourself with him because you keep telling yourself that he feels the same way you do… and you assume he wants a relationship because he wants to sleep with you.

Not saying anything about your feelings or about wanting a relationship because you thought it might “weird him out” or make it awkward.

Not knowing exactly how you feel and what sleeping with him will mean to you until AFTER you sleep with him and a whole rush of feelings hits you like a tidal wave.

If you’ve ever felt hurt because you became physical with a man and he ended up not having an interest in dating or starting a relationship, then odds are you can look back and see that one or more of the above scenarios was at play.

Of course, it doesn’t seem like it’s you who is making a mistake in these situations. It feels like THE MAN you’re with is the one who obviously doesn’t get it, and is a player for not being ready for a relationship.

Unfortunately, this is the exact kind of thinking that makes it so frustrating and difficult for some women to figure out how to move from just dating a guy to becoming physical and starting an exclusive, committed relationship… but rest assured, you’re in good company.

If you’re like lots of women, you’ve been “caught up” in that moment and ended up sleeping with a man you weren’t in a relationship with, thinking that you’re ok with it… and that it will be a good thing. But then your true feelings snuck up on you and you started to freak out and feel awful when you saw that the man you shared yourself with wasn’t on the same page (wanting a relationship).

You created EXPECTATIONS from the situation that he had no part in deciding about or even discussing, and now he’s freaked because you’re confronting him with what YOU feel and what he SHOULD want, when he hasn’t even figured that out for himself yet (which leaves him wondering how he’s going to back peddle out of this one).

An Important Question For You…

Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?

The answer: You did. So cut it out. He’s obviously not the one who holds the true measure of your worth… and he can neither give you your worth, nor can he take it away. But I’ll let you in on a little secret. I bet I know WHY you slept with him even though in reality you weren’t really comfortable with doing so…

You did it because you were seeking his LOVE and APPROVAL. You’re waiting and wanting him to be the strong, masculine man who will lead you into open and unrestrained love. That way you can surrender to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.

Unfortunately, that’s not what’s happening or how he FEELS with you right now. But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he’ll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.

That’s not how love, or relationships work.

Taking Back Your Sense Of Worth… Starting NOW

It’s time for the little girl who’s seeking a man’s approval in order to experience love to grow up. It’s time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he is CLEARLY showing you that he doesn’t even have a clue about what love is or how be with a woman.

You must stop banking on what you think this relationship COULD BE, and what I call his “future potential” and start opening your eyes to WHAT IS.

You’re so wrapped up in his perspective, what he’s doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you’ve all but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT: What YOU really want.

Love, Getting Physical, And The Mind Of A “Masculine Man”

Now I’m going to give you a short lesson on why men act the way they do when it comes to sex. Each person has a certain balance of masculine and feminine “energy.” Obviously, men have more masculine and women have more feminine, but every person can have a little of both.

The feminine energy grows with connection and love, and with “surrender” to all kinds of joyful experiences.

This is often why women feel a sense of connection and surrendering when they make love, and often have deeper feelings for a man afterwards.

But the masculine energy doesn’t work this way. The masculine energy seeks CHALLENGE and a feeling of “emptiness” and “freedom.” This freedom or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment. Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.

What The Masculine Energy Needs

Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they’re off somewhere else after sex? It’s because the tension of reaching their “challenge” (sex) is released, and now they feel a sense of emptiness and freedom from that tension.

A man doesn’t automatically “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does in an intimate physical relationship… unless he LEARNS to.

Here’s another way of looking at it… Have you noticed that most men don’t have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most women do? They don’t call their friends and talk on the phone on a regular basis, and they don’t worry about how “close” their relationships to their friends and family are at any given moment.

Oftentimes, they’re driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection. But men can become more emotionally-conscious and aware of what’s going on around them in love and relationships. And if they have a woman who “gets it”, something amazing can happen…

If a man has those intense strong feelings that make him feel physically and EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED to a woman, then she can lead and challenge him in ways that will make him grow into a great lover and partner.

For instance, a woman can help a man understand how to finally find the “freedom” he looks for in a new way – through LOVE and connected experience.

What You Need To Create In Him BEFORE You Sleep Together

Here’s the thing… Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early – you know, before you were clear about what YOU wanted, so that you wouldn’t get hurt if you found out he didn’t want the same thing.

But stop being so hard on yourself. It’s the past, and it’s not the problem now. The real problem now is something entirely different. Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.

First you’ve got to create the right feelings inside him – feelings that have nothing to do with “getting physical” – so when you do sleep with him, you can truly bring him closer in love. A man won’t fall for you just because you’ve slept together. Although, it’s likely that YOU will feel more bonded to him after sleeping with him.

It’s part of the biological make-up of a woman and a man. It’s the way things are “wired.” So you want to know how to “re-wire” things? First of all, stop hoping that the fact that you’ve slept together will magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.

What you need to know is there. In it, I reveal another kind of attraction that goes deeper than just the everyday physical attraction a man can feel for you: EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION.

When a man feels attraction for you in this way, then he will become EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED to you on a deeper level than he ever could simply through his physical desire for you.

You know a man has intense physical desires. That’s easy. But have you taken the time to learn how the deeper, more “relationship-oriented” feelings and emotions are created inside him? The feelings that make a man want to be with one woman in a committed relationship are different than what makes a woman open to exploring a relationship.

How To Make Him Want You And Only You

You can learn to understand how a man thinks and why he does and says the things he does. I can help with that… In my dating and relationship advice newsletters, I reveal secrets and insights that will make these things “second nature” to you. I also reveal little-known secrets such as:

  • How to spot and identify an immature man QUICKLY so you never again waste your time on someone who doesn’t deserve you
  • The 5 things about a woman that a man is genetically programmed to be attracted to… and how to quickly let a man know you possess ALL these qualities
  • The mysterious “missing ingredient” that makes a man interested in MUCH MORE than just a short fling or affair
  • And tons more…

I don’t ever want you to feel insecure and uncertain when you sleep with a man… so get my newsletters, ask me your questions and until then, the best of luck in life and love.


[Christian Carter]


What Makes Him Think You’re The One

If you ask men in happy, committed relationships why they chose to spend their lives with one particular woman, certain emotions and experiences will pop up.  What is it that makes a man give up his freedom for the love of one woman and not another?  I’ll tell you.  It all has to do with the way you make him feel.


You know how little boys love comic books and superheroes?  It starts when we’re young – we want to feel powerful, we want to save the day, we want to be admired and appreciated.  And when we grow up, nothing’s better than feeling that with the special woman in our life.

If he’s a good man and you want to make your relationship go the distance, then make him feel like your hero.  Compliment him, tell him how much you appreciate him when he does something that makes you happy, let him know how excited and proud you are to be with him.  When you make him feel like a winner who’s doing things right, he’ll want to hold onto that feeling…with you.

On the other hand, if you want to shatter a man’s attraction for you right away, then criticize him, belittle him, and make him feel like he’s never living up to your expectations.  (And if you really feel this way with the man you’re with, then you need to question why you’re with him in the first place.)


Ask any guy what makes him back away from a relationship, and he’ll probably tell you this: “She kept trying to change me.” Men are not that different from you.  We don’t want someone coming in and telling us we need to be better or different.  Because when a woman wants to change us, it makes us feel that we’re WRONG.  And that doesn’t feel good.

Realize that no person is going to be without things you don’t like, just like YOU’LL have parts about you that a man isn’t thrilled with.  The key is looking at the whole package in a man and loving all of it – even if you sometimes don’t like some of the individual parts.  They are what make him who he is – and he’ll recognize you’re the woman for him when you love him for ALL of it.


Unlike women, guys don’t tend to talk through their feelings with each other.  They save that for the one special woman in their lives.  So it’s a great sign if your guy wants to talk with you about what’s bothering him when it comes to his life, his career, his family, and his day-to-day stuff.

Your job is to listen without judgment – to be there for him and to offer your advice if he asks for it.  If he keeps talking, it means he feels comfortable and safe with you.  He begins to think he can tell you anything.  You want to be that safe landing spot for your man – not just because it brings you closer together, but because he’ll recognize he has a woman who truly understands him.


A man feels compelled to get closer to you and spend more time with you as a result of the experiences he has with you – the POSITIVE experiences.  He starts to feel like your relationship – and, by extension, his life – is easier, better, more fulfilling.

So focus on building a solid foundation with him by creating positive experiences together.  Do fun and different things with him.  Get to know each other in a variety of contexts – both alone and with friends and family.  When he sees how well you fit into his life and how much joy you bring him, he will see you as a necessary part of his life – one he’ll never want to be without.

Click Here To Learn Exactly What To Do When He’s Pulling Away That Will Have Him Begging You For Commitment


Why Does Everyone Attract Love But You?

You Have The Power To Create Your Ideal Relationship – Here’s How To Finally Attract The Partner You’ll Be Thrilled To Wake Up With Every Morning

We’ve met countless amazing, single women at our seminars, in our offices, and even on Oprah.

The majority of them are successful, accomplished and intelligent. Many of them are role models in their community – they’re devoted volunteers, athletes, and leaders. Some of them are world travelers – they might even have careers abroad.

These women have a home they’re proud of, friends that are like family, and a healthy social life.

And all of this makes them extremely frustrated!

These women tell us time and again: “I’m really good at making things happen in my life, but…”

And you know what’s coming next: they have everything they want, except for the thing they want most.


What’s going on here? If you feel especially stuck in the area of love – as if no matter what you do, you just can’t make that one thing happen – you’ll want to pay close attention to this message.

Your Inner Power To Attract And Create What You Want

There’s a simple explanation for why these women – and you – can make so many magical things happen except for attracting a healthy, lasting relationship.

And once you understand this reason, it’s going to put you on a speed path to the love of your life.

Take a moment to look at everything you’ve accomplished so far, and all of the things you hold dear.

Now, take another moment to realize that the common denominator in all those things is YOU.

The fact that you have these things in your life is no accident. They are the result of all your commitments, intentions, and actions. You made them happen.

And just as you have the power to make them happen, you also have the full ability to create the love relationship you want.

All it takes is harnessing your full creative power in the area of love.

We often write about that in our FREE Advice Newsletters… we teach how to harness the creative forces within you to bring you what you long for most – an extraordinary relationship with a partner who truly “gets you” mind, body, and heart.

We truly believe that you already have everything you need within to create the loving partnership you want. And our 3-step Attracting Genuine Love process will help you access it. To learn more about this, sign up to receive our free advice.

How Your Creative Power In Love Gets Shut Down

We’re not talking about polishing your dating techniques or making sure you look and dress a certain way.

Instead, it’s about making certain changes at a deeper level that will unlock your power to attract the right partner and create a great relationship.

Your power to create is always there, but we all have inner barriers that sometimes prevent us from using this power.

These inner barriers went up a long time ago – they’re erected during our childhoods, and we build even more with every unsuccessful relationship.

These are the barriers that tell us that “love is hard,” or that “there are no good men out there,” or “once a man gets to know me, he won’t want me.”

Often, we don’t even realize these barriers exist. We only see evidence of them when we keep having the same kind of unhealthy relationship over and over, or when we can’t seem to get into any relationship at all.

Release Your Inner Blocks And Watch Love Overflow

When we teach singles our method for identifying and releasing their inner blocks to love, miracles happen.

Suddenly, they’re able to attract the right partner and create a relationship with the same ease and flow they enjoy in other areas of their lives.

Stop Old Memories From Hurting You Today

It’s also important to get completely clear on the qualities that matter to you in a partner – otherwise you’ll keep bouncing from one unsatisfactory relationship to another.

Our approach is whole-body learning, so that what we teach you sticks with you and works at the deepest levels of your being. There’s absolutely no reason why you can’t create the relationship you’ve longed for. It’s right there, waiting for you. We can’t wait to help you reach out and grab it.


Katie & Gay Hendricks

P.S. Do your relationships often start off well… only to leave you lonely and disappointed once again?

Before you get into another relationship, take the time now to understand why certain patterns keep repeating for you. A great place to start is with our eBook Hearts in Harmony.

Even if you’ve done a lot of personal-growth work, Hearts in Harmony will help you discover things about yourself and why you keep attracting disappointment – and teach you practical exercises so you can create the right conditions for lasting love to enter your life: Click Here To Learn More


This Is Probably The Best Place To Find Love

Are you trying to find love but just can’t seem to find it?

If so Attracion.com, the dating site for people looking for love, might just be the answer to your prayers.

In answer to the plethora of tawdry dating sites encouraging misguided people to indulge in hugely destructive affairs Attracion.com, the dating site for people who believe in true love, was born in 2010.

Attracion.com is the perfect dating site for people who despite the legacy of failed relationships, disappointments and hurt can still summon the courage and have the unfaltering conviction to look for someone to love because in their hearts they know that is the right thing to do.

Now with millions of members Attracion.com  proves beyond any shadow of doubt that the vast majority of singles are looking for an exclusive relationship with love, commitment and honesty at it’s very heart.

If you’re reading this article you’re probably one of them so please take a few minutes to hear Angela explain how Attracion.com can help you in your quest to find someone to love….

As Angela said there are many more reasons for joining Attracion.com so why not join now and take a look at the profiles of many others just like you who are looking for someone to love. Registration is 100% FREE so what have you got to lose except your single status!

Click here to join for FREE>>



Obvious Body Language Signs A Woman Likes You

Dear Duana,

My superhero name is Captain Clueless.  I’ve done the “shot down at the bar” scene and lived the “she wanted me, but I found out after she married someone else” fiasco.  To round it out, I’ve also dated women who gradually faded away while promising more time together—as if they just couldn’t bring themselves to say the words, “Let’s break up.”

It’s worth donning the cape to find the future Mrs. Clueless, but saving some pain and confusion along the way would be great.  Are there are any reliable signs a woman likes you?



Dear Scott,

Heroes like you possess a vital superpower:  Bravery.

Thank goodness.  Without it, you violate women’s prime directive to find a *willing* provider.  After all, if you’re running away, how willing can you be?   Ardent pursuit, on the other hand, is downright valiant.  If risking your heart and other sensitive parts isn’t chivalry, I don’t know what is.

But if three’s a crowd and two’s company, one’s a stalker.  Plus as you know, getting rejected and led on really hurts.

Fortunately, you need not be reckless or blind in your bravery, because…


Interested Women Usually Make The First Move.  (Kind of.)

About 2/3rds of the time, women are the first to signal Interest—and we do it in reliable ways.

Apparently, though, we pay too high a price when we’re obvious—unless all we want is a fling, which is not the usual thing women are after.  Just as we want willing pursuit, you guys prefer quarry that is a bit elusive, discerning, and for long-term purposes, Not Easy.

So to avoid being branded as nuts or sluts, we usually initiate things without speaking or moving towards you.  No wonder you’re clueless!


Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to learn to recognize Interested Women’s signals.


Signal #1:   The Smile/Look Combo

Monica Moore’s extensive barroom observations—in the name of science, of course!—yielded a whopping 52 nonverbal come-hithers women employ.  But you need only recognize two, and only in combination:

The Smile:

Whether you’ve been on zero dates or dozens, the Woman Who Wants You smiles.  At you.  And she smiles with genuine, eye-crinkling pleasure.    No eye crinkles = fake smile = why waste your time?

The Look:

Women in love can’t take their eyes off of yours.  So, if you’re dating and she’s avoiding your gaze, that’s a huge not-into-you, she’s-lost-that-lovin’-feelin’ tip-off.

The Look is for strangers, too.  Interested women level three different kinds of looks at men they don’t know…yet:

—the Entire-Room Scan, which (along with Dancing By Herself) indicates general openness to being approached;

—the Brief, Darting Glance that is repeatedly directed at one specific man; and

The Look men find hard to resist— the steady gaze of longer than 3 seconds’ duration.


Three seconds seems like a loooong time to look a stranger straight in the eyes, and it is.  But unlike Gotham City, where just one signal brought out the Batman, a woman hoping to be approached may need to target a specific man with The Look upwards of once every two minutes—35 times per hour!


Upshot?  A woman’s real smile paired with the right eye contact is kryptonite of the Come Here, Lover variety.  And the more a woman likes you, the greater the number of times she sends out her signal.

So memorize this: A Real Smile Plus Repeated Eye Contact is *the* most reliable signal of female Interest.  It is a dead giveaway that you should be striding purposefully across the crowded room, carelessly throwing back your cape, and confidently introducing yourself.


Signal #2: The Turn & Touch

Timothy Perper has identified, in order, what happens when an initial encounter goes well.  After the woman lures you over with smiling eyes, couples talk, turn, and touch.

Again, the process isn’t random.  If a woman is Interested in you when you’re speaking, she’ll begin turning towards you as you turn towards her.  And she’ll typically initiate the first touch—usually on your arm.


Signal #3: The Mirror

Watch others, and you’ll see it: The just-met-you Interested folks copy one another’s eye contact duration, facial expressions, voice rhythms, and body positions.   And the happiest long-marrieds tend to look similar in part because they’ve spent decades mirroring one another’s expressions.

This does not mean you should start mimicking women like crazy.  Like most human mating behavior, mirroring is unconscious, and if you draw attention to it, it could make you look like Weirdo/Stalker Guy.

But do become aware of when a woman is mirroring *you*.  It means your superpowers are doing their super thang.

And if she’s not copying you at all—she’s just not that Into you.


Signal #4: Reciprocity

Of course, in love there are two ways to fall.  And when a woman wants to end things, she should employ the art of the break-up to tell you—clearly and kindly—that it’s over.  In life and in science, I’ve never yet met anyone who preferred to be the butt of a vague, dragging-on, non-ending kind of ending.

Until everyone gets that memo, you’re stuck deciphering women’s non-verbal behavior to gauge how things are going.  And what you’re looking for is an over-all *pattern* of Reciprocity.

Women who are Into you probably don’t lead the dance; that’s too risky (see nuts/sluts, above).  They often take things—especially sexual things—more slowly than you would.  But whether you’ve known them for two minutes or twenty years, Interested women follow your lead by *returning* some of the Interest you show!


And so, Captain Scott, your best indication of women’s Interest is not women’s words—not at the beginning, certainly, and not necessarily later on.

Instead, you can read her feelings in her eyes, smile, touch, reciprocity—and above all, in her joy at being with you.  If those are there, she’s all about you.  Keep pursuing, Brave One!

If the signs aren’t there, though, she’s just not that into you, and it’s time to find another worthy damsel.


After all—bravery like yours is super, and a super, Interested woman will appreciate that.




Book coming in January, 2015: Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do

—“If you are going to read any book about love – make it Love Factually.” ~eHarmony

The author wishes to acknowledge the following scientists and sources: 

Monica Moore, for cataloging the 52 nonverbal courtship patterns of women

Timothy Perper, biologist and author of Sex Signals, for outlining the stages of successful initial encounters

David Givens and James Dabbs, for further work about nonverbal signals in human courtship

Ben Jones, Lisa DeBruine and others of the Face Research Lab at the University of Aberdeen, for work showing why smiling is so alluring

Paul Ekman, for his lifetime research on facial expressions and genuine, eye-crinkling smiling

Martie Haselton, for research on why men sometimes overestimate a woman’s sexual interest, and underestimate her lack of interest

Source:henrycavill – flirting| by Scandalous fromwww.mystockphoto.com


eHarmony Is Probably The Best Dating Site For Men Who Want To Marry

Dear Duana,

My brother Fred’s alcoholic ex-wife abandoned him and his sons three years ago.  Now, he’d like to find The One, but obviously he won’t look in bars, and he lacks time to sort through endless profiles.  I’d love to see him and the kids happy and settled with a good woman in their lives, so I suggested letting me screen women’s profiles online, and then babysitting while he meets the best of the best in person.

He likes my nutty idea, but I have doubts.  Is screening possible mates something only he can do?  What will the “candidates” think about that?  And what’s the best dating site to use?


Dear Betsy,

When Minnesotans Dave and Elizabeth Weinlick wed, their marriage was normal, except for one teeny thing:  Dave had his *friends* choose the bride —reasoning that they would be better judges of his wants and needs than he himself—and he and Elizabeth spoke for all of five minutes pre-Vows.  And although they were roundly decried as crazy, as of their 10th anniversary they remained delighted with one another and their three kids.

Turns out, using the Friends & Family Plan may be mate shopping’s Safe(er)Way, compared to cultural Do It Yourself norms.  Not only are people in arranged marriages in Jaipur, India, happier five and 10 years later than those who married for love—but Western-world Friends & Family are often superior judges of our relationship’s prospects, too.  For instance, when Canadian college students were asked to predict how long their current relationship would last, they often couldn’t discern between a Flame and a Fling.  But their parents and roommates could.  And did.

But will the “candidates” agree?  Chances are, some won’t—and most  will.   Yes, people called Dave Weinlick insane, attention-seeking, and worse; still, he was besieged by 300+ eager would-be brides.  Women everywhere are keenly attuned to, and desirous of, signs of men’s willingness to Commit.  And few acts communicate the sincere if unusual readiness to wed quite like a guy who is having his sister conduct a full-on Search for Mrs. Right.

That said, Dave Weinlick had something you don’t: Publicity.  When Erich Goode placed fake singles ads representing attractive men and women, 11x more men than women initiated responses.    So—don’t post a profile on your brother’s behalf and then wait for the women to waltz up.  You’re going to have to sort through women’s profiles, and then initiate further contact with those you think could be a good match.   

Which brings us to your query regarding the best dating site for Fred.   To borrow their slogan, “For All The Right Reasons,” I recommend eHarmony.com:

1. For the marriage-minded man, eHarmony may well be the best dating site and also the only site needed.  Whereas sites that allow men to prowl amongst endless photos have a tough time getting equivalent numbers of women to join—to wit, Match.com’s formerly published 55% male to 45% female ratio—eHarmony activates women’s sense of safety and thwarts hunters by doling out the pix-n-profiles a few at a time.

So although the eHarmony website used to claim “roughly equal” numbers of men and women members, and a company spokesperson admitted, under regrettable pressure from one Love Scientist, to a “slight female skew” in the membership (while refusing to divulge specifics)—I don’t believe it for one hot minute.

Not only has every eHarmony member I’ve known (or been) concluded that there are many more women than men available at the site—but evolutionary psychology would predict that very thing.  It’s a marriage-oriented site whose model actively attempts the elimination of players, right?  And we all know to which gender such a site would most appeal.   Therefore, it’s a target-rich environment for serious, commitment-minded men.

2. At eHarmony, not only are the odds good—the Goods are usually good, too.  Your brother has had enough of the reverse, and so have his kids.  Unlike other sites, eHarmony’s lengthy intake questionnaire contains at least one scale intended to eliminate liars, rejecting those who can’t represent themselves as Basically Decent Human Beings.  (They also reject Basically Gay/Lesbian Human Beings on-site, an issue eHarmony finally resolved at CompatiblePartners.net, which uses eHarmony’s questionnaire, matching criteria, and emphasis on serious long-term relationships—enabling commitment-and-monogamy-minded LGTBQ men and women to skip hookup sites.  It took a lawsuit, but eHarmony now does for everyone what it once only did for straights.)

3. Personality tests: I’ve taken them all—well, all those at the three biggest dating sites.  And unlike competitors Match.com and Chemistry.com, which rely on variations of the Myers-Briggs personality test, eHarmony’s personality profiling is based on Costa & McCrae’s Big 5 personality traits: Conscientiousness, Agreeableness, Neuroticism, Openness to experience, and Extroversion.  Many scientists consider the Big 5 to have more validity, or real-world truth, than the Myers-Briggs.

4. eHarmony matches people based on the single-best predictor of happiness: Similarity.   In addition to the Big 5, eHarmony also claims to match based on 29 other compatibility dimensions, including similarity of values, beliefs, and attitudes key to wedded bliss.  The other sites just don’t do it, or don’t do it nearly as well.  In research from 2012, married couples who’d met online were happier than those who met any other way; and those who met on eHarmony were happiest of all, and less than half as likely to divorce as couples who’d gotten together at other online venues.

Yes, as with many things eHarmony, the algorithm used to create matches is secret.  And it’s doubtful whether it’s even mathematically possible to match on 29 criteria in any meaningful way.  But at least there is an algorithm, and the Big 5 personality profiling is real.

Other sites typically offer information—not matching.  For instance, Match.com and Chemistry.com both have members take a personality test, and then offer the results to each prospective date/mate.  But they don’t actually select the would-be partners for one another based on the results.

So, Betsy, I’m not suggesting that you marry your brother off in less time than it takes to order a tall, skinny decaf latte.  But matchmaking is a growth industry.  And you’re your brother’s ideal matchmaker—knowledgeable, loving and free of charge.  You even throw in the child care.  So I think your pre-screening plan, followed by a few coffee dates Fred takes with only the most Wonderful Women, is pure brilliance.

Finally, your brother and his children already have a good woman in their lives —You.  I applaud the care and attention you’re showing not only for their present, but also their future.  I wish you all—you, Fred, his kids, and his future wife—every happiness.

Click to receive a FREE Personality Profile

The author wishes to acknowledge the following scientists and sources:

Tara MacDonald and Mike Ross, for their work on parents’, roommates’, and students’ abilities to predict the length of students’ dating relationships.

Usha Gupta and Pushpa Singh of the University of Rajasthan, Jaipur, India, for their research on the trajectory of romantic love in arranged and non-arranged marriages

Thomas N.  Bradbury and Benjamin R. Karney, for theiroutstanding textbook regarding Intimate Relationships, and the statistics regarding the expansion of matchmaking in modern America

Erich Goode, for his empirical research showing that men are far likelier than women to answer online personals ads

Andrew Trees, for his enlightening book Decoding Love, and the discussion therein explaining why it’s mathematically unlikely that people can be meaningfully compared on 29 dimensions

David Buss, for his ground-breaking text and original, multi-cultural research regarding evolutionary psychology and human mating behavior

Spokespersons for eHarmony.com and Match.com



All material copyrighted by LoveScience Media and Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., 2010; updated and reprinted, 2014.



Probably The Only Way To Find The Best Dating Site

What’s the Best Dating Site for You?

Who am I to give advice? Well as a veteran of many online dating campaigns to track down my soul mate using dozens of dating sites over a three year period I’m probably as qualified as anyone to give advice in this area based on personal experience.

However having had first hand experience of dozens of dating sites over this period I would still hesitate to recommend any! Instead may I suggest you try the sites I refer to in this article and any others that take your fancy to find out which is the best dating site for you before considering paying for a subscription.

All of the dating sites I refer to here allow you to try before you buy. This  means you can do the following for free:

  • Add your profile
  • Look at other members’ profiles
  • Send “I am interested in you” messages sometimes called “flirts” to find out if the feeling is mutual

NB You cannot send or receive emails using the site’s messaging system without paying for a subscription although sometimes these dating sites allow this for a limited period at certain times – often referred to as “free weekends” or “free 24 hours” etc.

How do you decide which is the best dating site for you?

Choosing a dating site is not like choosing a washing machine or computer so I would suggest it’s pointless to choose a dating site purely based on dating site reviews whose recommendations are usually based on a features comparison. After all you are not shopping around for the best dating site features but for the features of someone who’s your ideal match!

However dating site reviews serve as a useful insight into what you can expect although the only surefire way of discovering which one is best for you is to try before you buy.

Here is what I would suggest based on my personal experience:

  • Create a sensational and honest personal profile or if you haven’t got the time or find it difficult to write about yourself and the type of person you are looking for pay for someone to do it for you. With thousands if not millions of other members vying for attention your profile has just got to be sensational to grab the attention of other members. Unless you are prepared to invest time or money in this area you might as well forget about online dating!
  • Join a couple of dating sites and perhaps one that matches your niche interest.
  • Take a good look around and find perhaps two or three people that you are attracted to from each site and send them “flirts.”
  • When you receive a favorable response consider paying for a subscription to enable you to start communicating with the person.

Photo Credit:Infographic: 61% of Travelers Turn to Hotel Reviews When Booking | GuestComment fromMyStockPhoto.com


STD Testing: Adult Communities Filled with STDs

For the every day person, STD testing is the last thing on your mind. Yet, we all are aware of the major STDs. Things is, many of us are quite lax when it comes to prevention. All sexual activities, I repeat all, have a a risk. So why is that there’s a huge rise in STDs among men and women over 40?

STD Testing:

I was in Florida recently and spoke with a couple men that live in an active adult community. For those not familiar with this, it’s a community of homes where the owners are 55 years and older, and prefer to live a active lifestyle (golf, social, etc). After speaking with these men and women, I came to learn about a phenomenon that had me asking 101 questions. The amount of STDs in an adult community are higher than you’d expect!

Wait, what?

Let’s look at this closer. There are many single, divorced, or widowed individuals that live in these adult communities. As we learn, age doesn’t dictate our sex drive. Thing is, these older individuals don’t use the same protective measures. They believe in the “old days” where such things weren’t necessary. As a result, you are seeing a widespread non spoken about rise in STDs.

For some of us, we chuckle at the idea. It’s a real problem. You naturally think that these older men and women are just passing STDs within their own community – this is not entirely true. Younger women always love older men with money. Younger men enjoy the company of older woman. So the STD risk is very real.

Every sexually active individuals, even ones that are married and in relationships, should get STD tested. If you prefer to not do this through insurance, there are provides such as STD Check that will provide the service for you 100% discreet and anonymously – all without your medical insurance or partner knowing.

Has Tinder Simply Taken Over?

There was a time, not so long ago, when online dating was taboo. This was about 15 years ago. Fast forward to today, online dating has progressed to the forefront of society. Furthermore, dating apps are all the rage. Case in point, the explosive growth of Tinder.

Tinder is simply the largest dating app focused on men and and women looking to hook up. A rather natural primal desire, that most doing a horrible job of keeping it in check. With the growth of Tinder, which is owned by Match.com ironically, there’s a rather unique culture brewing in the dating world – niches.

If you look at dating as a whole, there are a multitude of reasons why people date. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your perspective, the two people on a date are not on the same page. What we’re seeing occurring is the growth of online dating niches.

For instance, are you interested in having an affair. Ashley Madison. Are you interested in meeting a sugar daddy. Arrangement Finders. This endless list is growing at a very rapid rate. Yet, the media doesn’t focus on this so much. Perhaps cause these sites are smaller and do not get the mass following like a Tinder. Or perhaps, the media simply doesn’t understand the nuances of these small yet growing focused communities.

The discouraging part about Tinder are those men and women looking to start dating again (divorced, out of a long term relationship, etc). Since you’ve been out of dating so long, you would think that eHarmony is your only option. Then you start talking to some friends and start reading some articles, to find out that everyone is talking about Tinder. You join to only feel discouraged even more so in the online dating world.

Ask yourself what are you truly looking for? There’s no wrong answer here and absolutely no one can tell you the correct one. After you have this narrowed down, focus on dating sites and dating apps that cater specifically to what you’re looking for.

How to Get a Date on Valentine’s Day

Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is a consumer holiday. You are being forced to believe that you need to take your partner out to dinner on this day. Additionally, you’re forced to go to a high- end restaurant and eat lower quality pre-fixed menu food. Now if you’re single, it’s even worse. How can you not have a date for Valentine’s Day. Really? That’s still a thing? Before you answer the question of how to get a date on Valentine’s Day, read this.

How to Get a Date on Valentine’s Day

To top that all off, you have more and more romantic movies on. The mix plays a toll on your mental state. So what are you to do? For those seasoned vets out there, they will tell you to do absolutely nothing.

That restaurant that’s packed on Valentine’s Day, go the weekend after (less people, higher quality food). Want to ask someone out for a first date. Wait til after Valentine’s Day.

For you married folks, this one is a bit more involved. The longer you’re married, the less inclined you’re going anywhere on this date. Even if the marriage is on the rocks, going out on this day will make it worse. The added pressure, the high volume of people, just not the best move for a relationship at this time.

Did you know the discreet dating site of Ashley Madison promotes the day before Valentine’s Day as Mistress Day. Your first reaction is to make that “ugh” face. After that passes, take a look at why that’s even possible. If you’re in a relationship that you’re on the fence about, for whatever reason, the day before Valentine’s Day you tend to spend with someone other than your partner. Whether it’s a friend or mistress is irrelevant, it’s just the toll Valentine’s Day plays on your brain is incredibly unnecessary.

How Do I Date Again After a Long Term Relationship

So here you are. Time has pass from your last truly meaningful relationship. The affects of that relationship was quite heart breaking and you’re looking to get back into the swing of things. It’s normal to feel that your life has been turned upside down. You might have spiraled into a depression that you don’t like to discuss. You ultimately find yourself asking: how do I date again after a long term relationship. For many, this is quite the daunting task. Issue number one, this should NOT be a TASK! Don’t feel the need to jump back into dating if you’re not ready for it yet. Let’s dive deeper.

How Do I Date Again After a Long Term Relationship

After a period of time, you will have that feeling of wanting to date again. It won’t be easy. Do you want something serious, something casual. Do you want to be with as many partners as possible? There’s no wrong answer here as you’re adjusting to life after your last relationship.

The first thing to do is to talk it out. Do so with someone close to you, one in which who won’t pass judgement of you. Could be a friend, a family member, or even a professional. Again, don’t for a second feel you’re less of a woman/man for doing so. By hearing yourself speak out loud, you’ll evolve and see what you’re truly looking for.

You’ll hear so-called advice from all over. Most of which are people sharing what happened with them and instilling it in you. Not exactly what you’re after. You need to be the one doing most of the talking. Ultimately, you’ll see yourself going down a certain path of thinking.

Whether this way of thinking is short-term or long-term, it’s what your present state of mind is. As you reach towards deciding on how to date again, always remember that there’s no wrong answer, as long as the decision is made by you and only you.

Finding someone to meet can be tough as well. Friends and family members will try and set you up with so and so. Personally, I’ve never found this to work. You’re now crossing worlds that might be impossible to ever uncross.

At time like these, I always recommend to take a look at dating sites. There are so many niche dating sites out there, you’ll be able to focus on the type of site the suites your needs. After all, the chances of you going onto a site for those seeking marriages at this time is very low!

How Do I Date a Rich Man

Most women do not look at  man’s wealth to determine if he’s a suitable partner, at least not openly! A man’s success, or his chances of being successful, is quite an important factor when it comes to relationships. Sure, short-term (aka casual) relationships has no bearing, but long-term, without question. So how does a woman, regardless of age, answer the question of how do I date a rich man? Let’s dive deeper.

How Do I Date a Rich Man

First off, there are various levels of rich. The top 1%, as often coined by politics & society, has an enormous range. Whether you fly first class, fly private, or own your own planes, all encompass the top 1%. They are rich in their own right, but each level of wealth comes with a different way to date a rich man.

A successful down to earth man is catered to one way, while an ultra wealthy type A personality CEO is another. Take a look at his lifestyle, really take a look. Don’t simply look at what he wants you to see, take a look underneath the surface.

Additionally, truly ask yourself what are the finer things in life you’re looking for? Being associated to ultra wealth might have its perks, there are several downsides. Are you truly ok with those downsides? Don’t be blinded by the fancy things, take a look what’s under the surface in that relationship.

From this end, being able to date a rich man involves a certain ability of truth. Is that the type of life you really want? For most, it actually is not. You want to enjoy the finer things, but you don’t want it to overtake your life. In other words, you don’t want to be a gold digger with a closer relationship to his bank accounts than him. Then again, maybe you do. If that is your case, then be sure to draw in the men that need that type A personality arm candy.

How Do I Date Again – Top 3 Ways in 2016

Are you finding yourself asking “How do I date again”? Starting to date again can be tough. Depending on how long you’ve been out of the dating world, it can be quite the daunting task to get back out there again. Think about it this way, how you met your partner might not be a proper way this time around. Your circle of friends might be different, or non-existent all together. Speaking of which, don’t feel awkward reaching out to those same friends you “didn’t have time for” when you were in a committed relationship. They will understand – believe me! So the question remains, how do I date again after all that time?

Top 3 ways on how do I date again.

  1. Take a good look at yourself and truly ask what you’re looking for. Don’t ask a friend or family member what you “should” be looking for. Actually ask yourself that question. Absolutely nothing is off limits here. There is no status quo of what is right or wrong here. Perhaps you want to be alone, or perhaps you want to have as many partners as humanly possible in one weekend. It’s 2016, no one can judge you other than yourself. Since we are our worst critic, let yourself loose a bit.
  2. Not all relationships are created equal. If you look at all the relationships in your life, they spanned a specific time frame. Whether it was short or long, it ran its course for one reason or another. That doesn’t make one relationship better than another. It simply means that life brought you into a different direction. Don’t let this be your hold back on how do I date again.
  3. Dating is constantly evolving. Sure, the divorce rate keeps climbing. Sometimes, just sometimes, what you’re really looking for is an arrangement. A relationship where both parties are looking for something specific. These mutually beneficial arrangements have been growing in the media for various reasons. After all, the media loves anything that can have a salacious factor to it. Underneath all that, there’s this inner truth with mutually beneficial arrangements that many can’t deny. First off, you’re openly communicating EXACTLY what it is you’re looking for (issue #1 why most relationships fail). Once both sides like what they hear, they are able to move forward on an arrangement that they’re excited for. All the meanwhile, leaving all that nonsense that ultimately kills relationships behind. Sites such as Arrangement Finders caters to this sort of thing.

I know what you’re thinking, I’m not a sugar daddy / sugar baby. I just can’t figure out how to date again. Well, who says you have to label it as a date? Why can’t it be two people exchanging what they’re truly looking for. You’d be incredibly surprised in one’s reaction when you are completely upfront. You’ll be dating in a way that you never thought possible in 2016